Sunday, February 27, 2011

I wonder how it would feel like if every time I would study, there’d be a cheering monkey beside me. That would be something. HAHAH. :D
I’m still on study mode. The final exams the other day wasn’t the only exam i’m going to take this year. There’s the exam against being lazy, being weak, being pessimistic and being depressed. And there’s the local boards. 
I need all the cheer I can get to pass these all. Now, maybe, that’ll include an imaginary cheering monkey. ^__^

Saturday, February 26, 2011

I’m going to miss college

Even if it’s the part that has given me much trials and confusions
Even if it opened my eyes to what is reality
Even if it made me feel indifferent and sad
Even if it changed me a lot
College is where…
I met tons of amazing people i’ll never forget
I knew and did a lot of new things
I saw millions of beautiful places
I changed for the best
4 years…
I learned a lot.
And it isn’t over yet.
me and my karaoke buddies on our last days of being actual students. 
and we’re like “hello graduation!”
i’m going to miss this bunch. >_<

me and my karaoke buddies on our last days of being actual students.
and we’re like “hello graduation!”
i’m going to miss this bunch. >_<

Friday, February 25, 2011

side effects of the latter

Late night and I drink this cup of coffee. I wasn't even planning to stay up all night and do some work. But the smell of temptation bit, asking me to be drowned in whatever sweet sense i could gain at the moment. It's a perfect cup. It erased the fact that I have trouble sleeping and i need to be early the very next day. I thought, what are the side effects anyway? I just took all the sweet goodness and let myself drown in euphoric doom.

There's no harm in asking for the better, isn't it? All things good are actually coined as good. Every tiny expensive thing to pleasurable vices that does seem to make one feel (awfully) good is perfect. Another late night with a couple of smokes and booze, some dirty chats that doesn't seem to make sense, a few good gossips whispered here and there, making the other feel better about themselves. Some strings of lies that goes a long way that doesn't affect much until one gets stabbed right back. It's good. It's the perfect cup.

We tend to look for what makes us feel good. We ask for things because it makes us feel good about ourselves. We do try to stick to what is simple and just. We try not to complain and be contented of what we have. But we are always seeking for something else. We tend to keep looking for more. At some point, we start to take some bad things as good because it makes us feel good anyway. And that's where it all starts. Sometimes, we just take whatever is good for us and disregard whatever consequences it will have in the future. We walk to a masked plague and fail to notice what it'll do for us. We keep holding on for it forgetting everything else that actually mattered.

I just love the taste of coffee. I love it because its sweet. The scent of it grabs hold of my senses. Its warmth never fails to bring comfort when i'm cold. It's hue even gives a distinct character.

The best part of this idiosyncrasy is whenever I end up regretting in my bed because i took what is "good" stealing me some precious hours of sleep.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

i was with a guy in the rain and everything was oblivious

the guy started to walk away and i moved to follow him.
then he stopped walking  and faced me again. 
he seems worried.
he held my shoulders and said,
“you can’t like me…”
i was puzzled and confused
i just replied,
“huh. what? but i don’t like like you.”
the end.
image
what i dreamed of last night. it just makes no sense. hahaha. sorry.
i remember you sunny silhouettes
how you kissed and warmed the window i was peering in
how on that fateful day when i’d have to say farewell
amidst the cold mist that had me embraced
you woke me with a smile after a weary journey’s way
now though a lot of time has passed
though some vague memories wouldn’t last
i remember, 
i will still remember
you sunny silhouettes.
(05032010)

Monday, February 21, 2011

I’ve seen unconditional love

Today, at the emergency room, pediatric section, a  grandpa was cheering his 1-year old grandson. His grandson had just vomited milk and started to cry uncontrollably. So his grandma made him sat on her lap while his grandpa do funny body gestures to make the child stop his sobs. Even until the child has calmed down, he kept comforting the child to the extent that he was blowing the site were a needle was inserted for his IV. The rare scene lasted for a few hours until the grandpa and his grandson finally slept side-by-side on their bed.

It was such an inspiring sight. Hopefully, when the child is all grown-up, he’ll never forget this part of his life where someone never left him alone and gave him all the protection he needed without anything in return.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I don't want to be teary on Graduation Day

…but just thinking of all the the things that has happened that will eventually bring me to this fateful day is a nice brew of nostalgia.
I can still remember how i got admitted to my college. I was asked to wait in the long line of applicants for an interview. I was hoping hard that i’d get in so i need not enroll for the unaccessible school. Half-asleep and too early, i was sitting by the corridor of the school with my father waiting for the results. I couldn’t bring myself to look at the list until my father looked through himself and told me I just passed with the familiar grin on his face. He was more glad. The date was May 23. The number I then considered as my luck. The day that I knew where it’ll all start. My birthday. 
It was first year when everything was awkward. I can’t seem to know where to go. First years seems to stick together a lot because they’re afraid to lose each other. So weird how i think way back, i was so ignorant to the the course i just took. Thus, the awkward. 
The second year was the year i started to realize what rode i just took. It means blood, needles and pain. I feel weak with blood especially if its mine. I’m not scared of needles but thinking of it going into my body is another thing. And the pain, it was the awful part when we needed to practice injecting our group mate to pass our subject. Then again, I can still remember the colorful anatomy books and the coloring book that comes with it. I missed it for some reason.
Third year was the part where I was all enthusiastic with the hospital and what says on our books. I was at peak of learning new things. I looked forward to duty days than school days. Duty days were always fun because i belonged to an awesome group. This was also the year when Thursdays turned into “Tears-day” because our minds were all bleeding during such day. On this single day every week, we tackle 7 concepts, one professor each, every hour. It was exhausting and brain-wrecking. There are days our batch turn out to be walking zombies as we move one room to another for each concept because each of our professors gives an exam or recitation all at the same time. Imagine our minds cramped every single week. Even if this year has given me lots of sleepless nights and headaches, i missed it a lot. 
Right now, I’m on my last weeks of being a college student. The final exams is just so near. I feel goosebumps again. I can’t believe it. One more duty schedule, a few more weeks to go, some strolls and moments i never thought i’d keep, a few more reasons to sit as ducks, waiting, more of insomnia nights, and beads of sweat still on our brows, the day is almost near. 
I’m taking this all in with a smile across my face. 
 *tears. :’)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011


May you never steal, lie or cheat
But if you must steal, steal away my sorrows,
And if you must lie, then lie with me in all the nights of my life,
And if you must cheat then, please cheat death
Because I can’t live a day without you in my life
Leap Year

feb 14

just last year at this same day, i felt like i was floating. i think was dreaming back then. i was floating along the school halls thinking of you. just you. wanting to see you even for a glimpse. desiring to talk to you just to hear your voice. the entire day, i can’t remember anything else but you.

curses...

i miss you. i want to say it right to your face and give you the hug i always wanted you to feel. i want to see you so bad. i just needed to sit next to you one day and just listen to how you speak as you tell your tales. i want to listen to all you dreams. i want you to know, and i wouldn’t care about everything else.i want to say these to you so i need not say it to the sky anymore. i want to. i really really miss you. but i just can’t miss you! >_

my college course made my vocabulary stuck on words like anterograde amnesia, auscultate, sinus rhythm, aphasia, autistic and histrionic


which i can’t really use much for a blog post…
but on second thought!
if somene i used to like acquires anterograde amnesia for just one day, i’d let him auscultate my sinus rhythm (not literally) and i wouldn’t care if he would either be aphasic or autistic because he’ll still be the same old histrionic the next day.
hahah. go figure.. T_T

the best part of an exam is the enumeration

it’s the part where you get to stare at the blank paper because you can’t scribble any answer. it’s such good opportunity to try escapism with sarcasm

I love the sky

It was 30 minutes past 10 of our 3-11 shift and our duty group were standing beside the road waiting. And apparently, there is no single jeepney in sight to take us home. We were like in some distant nowhere. And buses kept passing us like we weren’t there.

I kept staring at the light post in front that looked really good in a photo with the tree without leaves beside it. But then, my groupmate saw something on the sky and I instinctively looked up and saw a falling star. It was so pretty! It wasn’t like the falling star I last saw that flew by so fast. This time, it’s falling nice and slow like its showing off to the world. Then I made a wish! I actually made a wish this time!

Things that amuse me… ^^
that’s just me trying to capture the sea with me in it but nobody wants to hold the camera so i made a mound of sand, placed my slippers on top of it and set the camera on timer over it and ran off to make this random picture of the me enjoying the sea.
that’s just me trying to capture the sea with me in it but nobody wants to hold the camera so i made a mound of sand, placed my slippers on top of it and set the camera on timer over it and ran off to make this random picture of the me enjoying the sea.
the night sky —lignon hill
night lights
--lignon hill
kyouya and tamaki-kun! waaah! ^___,^
kyouya and tamaki-kun! waaah! ^___,^

When the moon fell in love with the sun
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night…
-panic! at the disco

Blockbuster


this was the medical mission i went to…
with all kinds of people, mostly elders, mothers and children…
we were tasked to…
there were generous people handing-out free medicines…
and dedicated doctors in different fields…
it was truly a hit. everybody received all the care they deserve.
(February 3, 2011)

i watch the clock work its schemes

i watch the hours pass
and we leave
i watch the minutes waste
and we stand lost and futile
i watch the seconds drag
the remaining parts away

we lie waiting for things to come
we sob for what everyone else desired
we forget why the sky stays over us

112509
the awkward moment when out of nowhere your friend gives you a bar of chocolate and you take it and pretend it must not mean anything when in fact at the back of your mind, you’re dying to ask him what he means.
the awkward moment when out of nowhere your friend gives you a bar of chocolate and you take it and pretend it must not mean anything when in fact at the back of your mind, you’re dying to ask him what he means.

what made doctors think they wanted to be a doctor?


i wonder if it was induced by their parents? or it was the only path they had? was it out of blue? or was it influenced by medical series such as Grey’s Anatomy? maybe it was what they are made to be or maybe it was simply their dream since they were a kid.
dr. house is a misunderstood genius. i loved watching him make a differential diagnosis on every case brought upon him. And fictional doctors such as Meredith Grey and her fellow surgeons inspire me in so many ways. they made me realize that doctors aren’t really strict with themselves. they are just normal humans who laugh and cry and happens to have the job of saving other people’s lives.
doctors amuse me lot. in reality, when i see a really good doctor doing what they do best in their expertise, my mood lightens up and you’d see me in awe. when i assisted a surgeon way back, i was really glad i was able to help out plus the fact that the surgeon was very nice. it makes me wish all doctors were nice. and recently, i just met some interns that were really into their work and having fun at the same time. it was just inspiring. :)
these things make me think a lot…

You ask me if I believe in forever

Forever… I think of the sky, how it just stays up there, unmoving, inspiring. And every time I gaze at it, it never is the same as yesterday. I’d think of how the trees spread its branches to it as if it wanted to touch and see what it felt like. But some leaves have fallen, some branches withered. It never felt what it wanted but just left with a wide grin full of questions unanswered
this was an abstract drawing of my hand. yep, it’s abstract. more like who i am, i guess.
this was an abstract drawing of my hand. yep, it’s abstract. more like who i am, i guess.
way back before i got drowned in college mayhem, i was deeply engrossed with the Naruto series to the extent that it really effected me when Sasuke decided to leave the city of Konoha to go with the evil Orochimaru all for his single mission, to defeat his only brother…  and his brother wasn’t actually the evil one but the other guy from their clan, Madara. The truth is, Itachi remained to be a loving brother to Sasuke amongst all tragedies that has happened to their clan. That was the awful truth that was revealed to Sasuke after he defeated his only brother. wah!!!! :’(
way back before i got drowned in college mayhem, i was deeply engrossed with the Naruto series to the extent that it really effected me when Sasuke decided to leave the city of Konoha to go with the evil Orochimaru all for his single mission, to defeat his only brother…
and his brother wasn’t actually the evil one but the other guy from their clan, Madara. The truth is, Itachi remained to be a loving brother to Sasuke amongst all tragedies that has happened to their clan. That was the awful truth that was revealed to Sasuke after he defeated his only brother.
wah!!!! :’(
one time, i was walking home alone and i was trying to cheer myself up. it was like, “go maj… go maj… yah,” whatever. then as i walked further i noticed there’s another person walking ahead of me. it was then that i stopped in my tracks and realized i was cheering loudly to myself, enough for people to hear. i was like, why am i talking to myself in public again?! i continued walking home chanting, “stop talking to yourself..stop talking to yourself…”

passive aggressive

passive aggresive disorder is what happens when one day you were hoping that your friend wouldn’t leave you in the middle of nowhere but leaves anyway, and the next time you see her you act like nothing happened like it’s okay, but actually before that you were banging your laptop’s keyboard and making this senseless post to ease off your anger.

i miss the time when i get to wear school-age shoes. it’s the time when i get to run all over the school campus like a toddler, crossing my teachers’ territories and not caring if i trip or fall. adult-shoes sucks. they’re all pointy and uncomfortable.

ever missed yourself? the real you doing what makes you free. you speaking without limits. your feet unchained by the things around you. you never cared what clothes your wear or what words you speak. you just stretch your endless borders because you are being real.

i missed me

charcoal. books. study.

charcoal. books. study.

The best part whenever you give someone a hug is that you also get something back. :)
The best part whenever you give someone a hug is that you also get something back. :)