(here, written, is anything random that’s running through my head. mind i take note now before my time runs out and it all wanders off to nowhere)
If I am perfectly accurate, there is at least a week before the exam results swerves up to the news and start blaring it to every single being that has been dreading it from the moment they stepped out shaking from their exam rooms, including me. I had my share of fun. Fun that is defined by the first painstaking day after the exams where I didn’t know what to do because every negative thought kept building up in my head until I snapped (not what you think) and continuing on to this very night where, again, I find it hard to sleep.
I want to try drawing like a kid again. Who cares if it happens to be an abstract figure of a landscape. Seriously. I’d rather make myself preoccupied this coming week rather than being tormented by myself. I want to cook! I wanted to make different pasta dishes. I’ve only made spaghetti and meatballs once. it is a pasta isn’t? I want to try hiking too. Then when I get to the top, I’d have my camera with me. I’d always imagine an amazing view anywhere. And then I’d walk around, just walk maybe, or have a joyride and look for a place to fit in. I mean look for a job. I never thought this part could be really hard. I always picture the part where the interviewer asks questions and I answer with all my deep seated unspoken words, not the seeking part. It never has happened because I seem to have acquired the stupidity of not being able to properly open an office door. Oh well.
My plans seem to always get stuck for some reason. Some tend to wither away though some still grow back. I do wish they all grow back and save me from sinking more in my made-up pit. I hope I’d be able to accomplish something this time. Now that I feel like I’m just going to grab anything that would take my mind off what is keeping me awake this long.
I’m going to write more too.
TAGS: THOUGHT AUGUST 14 PAST MIDNIGHT
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