untitled

traces of you
form the lines and scent
of the beginning and an end
a hint of your smile
strums the beat of a heart
where the wind doesn’t make
reasons for you to ask
and the colors of the sky
remains a perfect art
remember the time when
I sat next to you and listened
as you were spilling words
wandering how people are what they are
while you created stories and poetry
and grinning through your ears
I said something 
and you laughed

Taint

Standing right next to you

Is an old friend and all lost
Confused with the tainted world
Sick from flesh to bones
Resting a suffocating journey
He stands there staring
At the blank pictured faces
And broken records of a chord
You were watching yourself fall
Hurt like you’ve never been hurt
But breathing and breathing hard
You’re mind fails to rest
As much as you wanted to
For every blink of your eyes
You see a murky blot of a picture
A stained shirt and a broken wheel
But He was there all along
Protecting you on your way home
Standing right next to you

spill

there is no start in what I want to say
because as I look at the sky and
gaze at its infinity and wander off
with the misty wind that
tends to hug every part of
me, I see the details of 
the fine lines of ideas
and sparks and scraps of paper
torn and not, they lay
scattered on the cold floor
there saying something that
should have been spoken
yet still waiting to be unearthed
traces, just traces
of sweet summers
familiar laughter
meaningful glances
they were long gone
as the waves crashed upon 
the tiny ebb of
warmth, it dims its flares
as I bleed into another
torn piece of paper
I can't start what I want to say

Come Away

Come away with me
Let us sail the uncharted waters
And watch the sea
Paint things 
That cannot be seen
Come away with me
Let us walk the 
Moss and grass of earth
Have the wind carry us
And feel perfect mirth
Let us trace our steps
Make one at a time
Look up high to the heavens 
Make the trek worth a climb
Listen for hidden words of wisdom
Though walls may seem unkind
Because we will seek freedom
And define it for the blind
Come away with me
For there are far great things to see

someone like you

it can’t be helped that
one day,
i’d be singing a song for you
a song i wish i sung to you

words were the first
tiny drops that had
encased the depths of
my soul
words were the strings
that that tied me on a balloon
watched myself soar
words were the music
that kept playing on
with my thoughts

it can’t be helped that

one day,
i’d be singing a song for you
a song i wish i sung to you

I'm back!

I think I need to make another blog. So many things has happened and making a new post here already seems irrelevant. 

What to do?!

Somebody feels lost today

Deep in painted walls

Where there’s drawn memories

Songs and letters scrawled

i have this unnerving fear of not being able to fit anywhere because i can't explain if i'm happy, numb, or just annoyed. 6.21.12

The awesome research team!

Always moving forward and bounded by the same path.

Hope we get Best Thesis!

Go Group 3!

never tasted so sweet

take that one sip

let it glide within your soul

tingling your inner depths

blurring thoughts 

and creating a dark hole 

you realize, it wasn't that bad

now shout your cheers

watch the golden fluid

fill your glass full

then drink it all
until traces of it disappears

raw emptiness

may start to linger

and play with your throat

muster

to fill the glass

to fill it up again

and again
and again

until you can see yourself 

gleaming and smiling
golden and anew

it wasn't that bad

take big gulps

keep drinking the unknown

straight up so you wouldn't feel

what's left when its done

they wouldn't recognize you

when every drop

seems sweeter

seems better

than it used to

Dream Car

I attended this public speaking workshop recently thanks to one hospital (the one I’m waiting to get hired in) who never fails to give me surprises and anything you’d relate about trying to live. The last statement is something to figure out.

It was so much fun. I remembered when I was back in my high school, I’m part of speech and drama club then it became a speaker’s bureau. The speech and drama club loves to conduct speech and dramatic workshops in which I much enjoyed way back because of all its activities. So, having attended again in quite a familiar place made me glad. 

The speakers or must I say facilitators were very excellent especially the one guy who really stands out the moment he starts speaking. I was so amused with his manners of speaking, it lead me back to square one. I wished I was fluent and articulate in speaking like he does. 

One activity in the workshop was an individual impromptu-not extemporaneous as they claim-of a topic one has to pick from inside a bag of doom. Perfect.

Of all the topics I could have, I got a topic about a dream car. (read above) I stood in front, stiff and nerve-wracked. I had no idea what I’m supposed to say. What did I say?

I started my speech enumerating a few cars that I knew. (What am I saying?) Then asked the audience what i’m talking about. Then I greeted them a pleasant afternoon. Then I said my topic. After that, all hell breaks loose. I jumbled and mumbled, stammered and buckled all the things in my head. The only decent thing I must have said was, I needed a car that could take me anywhere. Then I ran to the back of the room and crawled under a chair. Kidding. 

Things I think I should have said:

What is my dream car?

For one, my dream car has to fit at least 8 people in it. Because I need to put all family members in it and a few friends and I can even include an extra person if there will be one. So it has to be a big one.  And the hood, or, what-do-they-call-it, the roof of the car can be modified to fall back so that I can enjoy the wind and the sky whenever I drive. Then it has to have huge wheels. The ones where you can drive over a terrain or a rocky road. It has to withstand those kinds of roads because I think that’s where I’m mostly going. Then it has to have speakers in it so I could play music whenever I’m stressed. And it has to have a tracking GPS device so I won’t get lost. It also has to have an unlimited internet connection in it so I could never loose connection with the world. The most important part of this car is that, I want it to be the one to take me to places I’ve never been to. I want it to take me where I've dreamed of wanting to see. I want it to be the one to show me the things I needed to learn. And I want all my favorite people to be in it. And these are the people that I’d never regret to travel with. :)

What I stammer in speech, I fluently speak when I write. >_<

Left

just heard you’re leaving
i just heard
from all other voices
and dire words written
i never knew
and they just tell me
you’re leaving
you should have left long ago
when ties weren’t that tight
and i don’t dream of bay walks
sunsets, leftovers and strolls at night
now i should feel i will lose you
that i’ll have nothing left
that i’ll stop looking at the sky
and stop writing random scrawls
but i just don’t think
neutral and numb
because i just heard you’re leaving
i never bothered to know
never thought i’d try to ask
you’ve left long ago
i never heard

i'm back and here's a random post

today, i’m officially 21 years old. I spent it with people that I was sure could keep me smiling the entire day. They were my dearest friends. 

I haven’t seen them for a long time because I got sent off to a far away stinky place. Being back spending a day with these people again brought me back to life. Never have I laughed so hard before for such a long time. Never sang the same songs over and over again as we take turns singing a korean happy birthday song (saengil chukha hamnida) because we kept giving each other last song syndrome.  I loved the freedom of this day. I loved the beach and the sky and everything else. I loved the food we resourcefully created. I loved the random laughter and conversations and our dreams. I love these people so much. :)

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

now now you're just somebody that i used to know

raves and rants

I'm a stubborn person. I just realized. How on earth am I supposed to achieve anything if I'm so stubborn? There exists an unwritten rule that says you can't be somebody if you are mediocre. You can't be somebody if you choose to not be a glittering achiever. You will remain unnoticed, growing mushrooms in a far corner, unless you step up and push your way just to prove your worth. I'm tired and stubborn. I'm tired of trying to prove my worth. I don't want to prove anything anymore. I can't define what it's worth. What do I have to prove on the first place? Why do I need to be somebody? Why? Just so I can have a place in the crowd? Just so some people would be happy? So that I could be happy? Happy, for a little while that is. What is wrong with me? I refuse to conform to unwritten rules against mediocrity unless my life depended on it. There, I said it. I'm trying to learn how to live. Let people claim their stands and trophies. Let them keep their head up so high. Let them walk amongst the corridors, exclaiming their shining robes of superiority. They deserve it. They deserve it well. They will keep me inspired until my stubborness gets defeated by unnerving regret.

>_<